January 22nd, 2022

It’s a bright, sunny, and crisp cold day.

I have this large bay window in my living room (it’s really the only window in that room). By it, I can see across the street, and most mornings, during the winter, I am plopped on my couch reading my Scripture for the day and watching the cars drive by.

People everywhere, hustling, bustling, talking, relating…just plain living. And here I am, in this simple house on my little dot in the world. The dot that God gave me.

It is a beautiful dot graced with warmth, love, friends and family. And while this time is a blessing, it wasn’t always that way.

I’ve been meditating and thinking about my past. Mainly I’ve thought about the hand of God in it. I have ESPECIALLY thought about times when I have felt regret and I’ve realized something. That most of the times that I have been regretful have been spurred on by suffering of some sort. I blamed choices I made for the suffering I endured. “If I had only chosen to do this instead of that…”. But if I really thought about it, those choices brought me here. To this little dot, this simple house, and my very small sphere of friends and family. And some of those choices may well have been the hand of God that has brought me to this bright, sunny, and crisp winter day.

I do regret my sins, but even my sins God has used to bring me to hate sin even more, cry out to God, and harden my resolve to avoid sin. And what’s even more weird about this thought is because I see where God has chastened, corrected, and sanctified me, I actually pray that God exposes more of my sin. Instead of hiding them from myself, if they are exposed, repented, and brought before God, He will do His work. Knowing this, can I say that I even regret my sins when I know what a beautiful work He has done in maturing me through them?

To regret my sin, but to not regret what has God has done in my life despite my sin, this is a puzzle to my mind. A puzzle made of two pieces. On one piece I am hating, the other thanksgiving; one piece despising, the other praising; one regret, the other trust.

In between these opposing sides is Christ. The one who takes the evil I have done and will ever do, and gives me life in the Spirit. He takes water (in my case dirty water) and turns it into wine.

In the end, through all of it and at the end of days, I will have no regrets and sing the song of God’s servant Moses and of the Lamb:

“Great and marvelous are your deeds,
    Lord God Almighty.
Just and true are your ways,
    King of the nations.
 Who will not fear you, Lord,
    and bring glory to your name?
For you alone are holy.
All nations will come
    and worship before you,
for your righteous acts have been revealed.” Rev. 15:3-4

I praise God for His righteous acts done in me AND in my little dot He has given me.

May He continue His work in me,

A Wondering Woman