Say What?! Twitter (X), Sleep Training, & Biblical Understanding of Discipline

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. -Prov. 13:24 Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.- Prov 19:18

A couple of days ago a somewhat small firestorm broke out on X because of a post by Samuel Sey about disciplining his 4 month old son. From this backlash, Mr. Sey wrote a response on his blog “Slow to Write”. He states this:

I recently published a vague post on X (or Twitter) this week. The tweet said: 

“I had to discipline my son tonight. It’s not the first time, but I’m heartbroken. It’s necessary, but I hate it so much. It’s especially difficult since he’s such a good boy. He’s such an easy boy to parent. But he’s still a sinner, and since I love him, I must discipline him.” 

Thousands of atheists and progressive “Christians” on social media are accusing me of hurting and abusing my nearly 5-month-old son. Some believers have also resorted to all kinds of assumptions and accusations.

When I said I had to discipline my son, I meant I had to do sleep training. It’s really as simple as that. I wish I had used the word “sleep training” instead of “discipline,” but I couldn’t remember the word. Even when I was trying to explain what I really meant in my tweet to some people, I said “sleeping habits” and “disciplining him in terms of bedtimes.” 

(https://slowtowrite.com/my-father-and-my-son/ )

I wholeheartedly sympathize with Mr. Sey. I too, was greatly disappointed with the people who resorted to assumptions and accusations. Some of the responses include:

 It’s expected from atheists, progressive individuals, and the world; but one’s who call themselves Christians- yeah that is a deep disappointment.

Why?

Because Christians should be biblical. They should understand the sin nature, righteousness, and understand the TRUTH about discipline. But instead, many Christians do not have a biblical understanding of discipline; have adopted the world’s idea of it and immediately presumed something along the lines of a “harsh hand” or form of punishment. And if that were true, they would have a case of abuse on their hands. But the problem is that THAT is not discipline- that is abuse. Discipline is different, but our world repudiates any form of discipline now- as is seen as an evil.

What does your mind immediately go to when you hear the word discipline? Does it think of spanking, or time outs, or restrictions, etc- does it go to harsh punishments of some kind?

Why has discipline become a bad word?

Our world hates discipline- it hates authority, obedience, and submission. And because  headship, authority, and discipline are a staple to the Chritian family, it has become the hegemonic power that is to be dismantled. Discipline relays authority and power, and since authority and power suppress people it needs to be done away with. Don’t think this hasn’t affected our understanding of the family. Critical theory, humanism, feminism, and other such ideologies have been repeatedly presented to us in our society.  This is reflected in our parenting as a nation.

Psychology has taught us that our job as parents is to allow our children to form their own identity and path. For a person to self actualize- to achieve their highest potential, we need to let them be free to find and express themselves. Discipline hinders that. I believe the world pushes against discipline because we have co opted discipline for ourselves, as our sinful nature likes to take what is a blessing from God and use it to our own advantage, producing unbiblical discipline in our homes.

Unbiblical disciple is the training up of children in the way that WE would have them go. Sinful parents discipline because the child’s actions or behaviors affect us in a way we don’t like. They don’t pick up after themselves, making my work harder. Their inappropriate behavior reflects on me as a parent. Their talking back hurts MY feelings. They should obey because this is my house and they are under my authority. When we come to discipline as a training to obey me, then it usually results in punishment for bad behavior instead of actual training of good behavior. And that is because our reason for training is self focused, and as sinners we don’t always exercise right judgment when offense to ourselves is involved. The typical Evangelical church has not done a good job of getting at the heart of discipline and actually exercising it. They may teach practical tips on raising a family, but headship is left out. They may give tips on rewards and punishments for behavior, but the heart and the gospel are often left out. Even church discipline is out the window for most churches. The American Evangelical Church has given away its authority, as it refuses to take sin and false teaching seriously.

Biblical Discipline

One of the first things we should recognize when we just hear the word discipline we SHOULD go to thinking of the word disciple. In Old English discipul, means “one who follows another for the purpose of learning”.  Biblically, we understand disciples were the personal followers of Jesus Christ during his life, the twelve Apostles chosen or called by him to learn from Him.

For one to call himself a disciple is to receive discipline.

Discipline is actually a GOOD thing.

When you are confronted with the evil of your sins, you are being LOVINGLY disciplined or chastised by our Lord, through the Holy Spirit. Now you can either receive the discipline and be earnest and repent (Rev.3:19) or you can reject it. 

Scripture describes discipline for those who love God as a blessing and for those who reject God as punishment or wrath.

The more popular verse we may think about as Christians is Proverbs 22:6  which states, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” The original Hebrew words in this verse can help us understand what this particular proverb means and how to put it into practice.

This idea of training is to provide experiences that prepare a child to perform the tasks necessary for a physically, spiritually, socially, and emotionally healthy life as an adult. It’s similar to the concept of helping a horse get used to wearing a bit in its mouth (which can be unpleasant to the horse) to help it learn to interpret the commands of its master so that it becomes a submissive and useful horse who fulfills its potential and brings great joy and pleasure to its master. In the same way, a child needs guidance and instruction in what it means to submit to the Lord and live as God wants us to live.

Discipline, as understood with a biblical framework, is the whole of training; which includes teaching, correction, reproof, and punishment. It can include punishment, but that is not the bulk of discipline but the consequence of rejecting discipline Lev.26:14-39 is a good example of God giving instruction to train his people in righteousness and warning them of the punishment (discipline) of their sins should they choose to disobey.

Hebrews 12: 3-13 is a great passage that talks about the discipline of our Lord. 

The writer of Hebrews writes to encourage his readers of the great work done in Christ Jesus. That his sacrifice was perfect to reconcile us to God and therefore we should have full assurance of faith to walk in. In the chapter 11, he presented what faith is and those who are our witnesses; who, though not receiving what was promised and went through many trials, tribulations, and persecutions, reveal the faith they had by how they walked, trusting in the Messiah to come, the founder and perfecter of their faith.

So when we think about discipline, as Children of God, we should desire it and receive it as the loving hand of God to bless us as our Father. The good, perfect, loving Father that he is. The Father who loves us so that he gave us his own Son as the perfect sacrifice, and provided us with a righteousness that meets God’s perfect standard so that we may be reconciled to him. 

Our own discipline should be received with this understanding and therefore, should also be given to our own children with this understanding.

Our Father’s discipline should be reflected in our discipline

Our children are not our own. They are a gift from God to actually discipline us as we walk in the Spirit, putting to death the deeds of the flesh. We are given authority over God’s creation to steward them by providing for them and training them up in the way they SHOULD go. We as Christians have the knowledge of that way; we know how they should go. Or at least we should, we have God’s very words to instruct them in.

Discipline may take many forms. It can include graciously providing needs, as well a tough love that would remove the hand of a parent. And so, yes, discipline can involve sleep training as a parent may choose to remove their hand in it so that the child may learn to sleep without parental comfort. Or a parent may choose not to train a 4 month old to fall asleep in this way.

Regardless, the heart of a Christian parent is to hate sin in their own lives and hate sin in their loved ones lives. Why? Because our own sin and the sin of our loved ones is why God sent his Son. It was a eternally precious costly thing to send his Son, and it was a eternally, precious, and costly thing for our Lord to give his life to wash our sins and clothe us in His righteousness. We dare not trample on the Lord’s kindness, and we discipline our children to do the same.

Discipline and the Gospel

Finally, good discipline ALWAYS rewards with the Gospel. It is the good news we cling to when we discipline. It’s there when we fail as parents to discipline rightly, when we sin against our children, discipline harshly, or even when we have abused our children (yes, the gospel is good news for the abuser should they trust in it). All of us will in one way or another, day by day, need to be disciplined by our Father, be humbled and repent, trust in Christ’s sacrifice for those sins, and rest in His righteousness. If we rely on God’s grace to instruct and live in light of this Gospel, why wouldn’t we discipline and train our children in the same way, albeit imperfectly?

Our children will fail to learn from our discipline, they will forget, reject, rebel, our instructions and trainings. They will need this Gospel. They will need Christ. They will need the reminder of the commandments, they will need to read and hear the word to know it, they will need guidance on how to live in the fear of the Lord, they will need to know how to think about things with a biblical worldview, they will need to be content and thankful for what they have, and yes, they may even need to be trained to self sooth. All of this and more is discipline- It is training up our kids in THE way that they SHOULD go. 

And we pray that God not let them depart from it.

Listen as we dive into this topic more on the Thoroughly Equipped podcast: Discipline? An Example of Calling Good Evil

Or watch on the Thoroughly Equipped YouTube Channel: https://youtu.be/q1Cf0AqBTog